[ it is answer enough, and he'll take that to end the conversation as he makes his way over to her rover, hands shoved in his pockets, shoulders hunched and boots kicking at the snow. it hasn't been a great day and it doesn't look like it's going to be a great... several years, decade, century. however long he's stuck in this contract.
jack's giving a quick knock against the rover door once he gets there, and wishing he had a lot more alcohol in his system. ]
[ It's the cat that opens the door. One of them, at least, the heavier one with the wider scales, and Hetr grunts Jack's way as invitation to enter. There is a mess strewn across the floor - dried stalks, some dead leaves, bits of soil. The rover smells fragrant, though, like a good spring day before the flowers start pollinating.
Gliese, on the single, is sitting cross-legged, several crown knitted and surrounding her. She has the look of someone who's been falling in and out of sleep for long stretches of time, if the lines on one cheek is anything to go by. ]
[ okay that's... new. jack can't help the slow arch of his brow at the cat that answers the door, and he's maybe wondering for a second if he'll ever be greeted at rover 031 by ringo grunting at him. it'd be better than chewing up his shoes, at least. stepping in after the cat, he's blinking owlishly for a moment, as it seems like an entirely different world inside the rover. pleasant, really, which isn't what he'd been expecting. not that he'd thought he'd see torture devices or anything, but still... unexpected.
he nods, pacing through the rover turned nature trail and takes a seat on the bunk next to her, carefully trying not to crush the flower crowns (flower crowns? for real?). he exhales heavily, shoulders slumping, and glances to her with a dry exasperation. ]
For what it's worth, you're the much better instructor.
[ She weaves a small stalk of blooms into a circlet; groups of three red dots of red against a pale green twine, with a large white bloom between the knots.
[ that's what dagger had said was his time in his contract so far, wasn't it? the conversation had been... odd. jack's watching her hands more than he is her face, and noting the rawness on her fingers. weird, to think that someone weaving flowers is the same person who'd apparently done something so horrible to simon wilson that not even dagger wants to hear about it.
of all of them, though, he still trusts gliese more. ]
I did. [ a pause, and he breathes for a moment ] I don't think I can do what Blue team is going to need me to do.
[ he can, but he doesn't think he can stay sane after. ]
Two-thirds of his life. [ She smiles a little, sleepily. ] And half of mine. He is my senior, you see.
[ She's been knitting on and off, sleeping on and off as well. Khilesa have days much longer than what Ajna has; longer days, longer nights, longer sleep. They have two stages of sleep as well - shallow sleep, where the light of her body is asleep but her mind is not, the deep sleep, where both are at rest. The strange thing about shallow sleep is that it leaves her body restless.
Knitting helps. ]
I doubt you could, as well. It is good that you chose him over me.
In the CDC? [ Jack's eyed snap up to her, a little shocked. Dagger is at the least over three thousand, that's a ridiculous amount of time to spend in what's basically indentured servitude. No wonder he's so nonchalant about all of this.
As for if he was capable or not, well, it stings in him the same way it did when Dagger told him. Regardless if what it is, it's that knowledge that he's fallen short. Didn't meet expectations. Disappointed. Couldn't handle it. The frustration's riding in him again, and jack gives a snort, glancing down to the leaf covered floor. ]
A little pointless, to say I'll murder 15 people but won't blow up a planet or a ship. Or torture. Sort of a joke, if you're looking at it as trying to hold to ethics. [ It's not as if it'd be gaining him any power - he doubts he'll ever hold anything real if Dagger's been here so long and amounts to a team leader for novices. He knows he can push himself to do it, the issue is if he should, and that's more the hilarious part. There's nothing morally righteous in it. Just trading one evil for another, and he's not so good a man to refuse it entirely. ] Should I just do it? Force it and adapt?
[ could. Maybe. Though it never really worked that completely at home, in all he destroyed in the name of building something's better. He never slept well after. Jack's giving an owlish blink when Gliese brings up flowers, and his eyes drag back to the weaving in her hands, before skimming over the rover again. It's... Peaceful. ]
I used to. When I was younger. [ Now he doesn't see beauty or nature, he sees function. A decoration to please a dignitary, a gift to win favor, a tool to lighten a mood. His mother was always tucking flowers around the palace, especially when they were expecting powerful guests. But Jack knew, Rose hated flowers. She'd rather wield a knife. ]
Flowers are held important, where I am from. A staple for mealtime, and growing children. [ She plucks a bloom and crunches it between her teeth. ] Good for the body, you see.
[ It's not really about what Jack can do, but will. And will is something they test to its limits here. Already there are those among the recruits who complain about the alleged evils they are forced to commit - on a planet where the smartest creature they've had to face are little more than flying bugs. ]
I have some doubts you would kill someone you know, with your own hands. Is she worth it to you?
How so? [ Jack's peering down at the flowers and buds still left in her hands, as if looking for something he'd missed about them before. It'd certainly be an easier way to eat. No cooking. Smells nice. ]
I'm about to kill three people I know. Bond I drank with, Stephanie Brown was my old rover mate. Wilder... I really don't mind killing. [ Seriously, he's an obnoxious douche. But if Natasha had stated on the list, or if Tony, Korra, or hell, Hanna were put on? No. He couldn't choose between them. As for Clary... ] She reminds me of my sister in some ways. Not all, or I probably wouldn't like her as much.
[ because Michelle would hardly know what bdsm was, let alone explain the stop light system to him on their first meeting. But Michelle... is someone different. She's been there his whole life, inspired him, stood by him, comforted him and held him accountable when he needed it most. ] If it was Michelle, I'd do them without question. But she'd despise me for it after.
[ that's the truth of it. Jack has very few people still precious to him, and it amounts up to Michelle and possibly David alone. All the rest he'd lost or kept his distance from purposefully. He'd already lost the one person he'd actually been able to love to his own inability to grow a pair and do what he should. He wouldn't lose another like that. Raising his head, he looks to Gliese sidelong, considering. ] Why do you do it?
[ protecting someone or something? A war, like dagger? Or does the cdc actually have a decent cause outside of mining species and resources? ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Come find me when you have time.
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I thought you were sleeping.
no subject
You were mine first. Part ways with me properly.
cool to turn this into an action thread if he comes by now?
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
Blue team's actual purpose - is it dealing with things like the Almina?
ok!
Not always.
[ But it's answer enough, isn't it? ]
action!
But often enough.
I'll be there shortly.
[ it is answer enough, and he'll take that to end the conversation as he makes his way over to her rover, hands shoved in his pockets, shoulders hunched and boots kicking at the snow. it hasn't been a great day and it doesn't look like it's going to be a great... several years, decade, century. however long he's stuck in this contract.
jack's giving a quick knock against the rover door once he gets there, and wishing he had a lot more alcohol in his system. ]
no subject
Gliese, on the single, is sitting cross-legged, several crown knitted and surrounding her. She has the look of someone who's been falling in and out of sleep for long stretches of time, if the lines on one cheek is anything to go by. ]
Sit here with me.
no subject
he nods, pacing through the rover turned nature trail and takes a seat on the bunk next to her, carefully trying not to crush the flower crowns (flower crowns? for real?). he exhales heavily, shoulders slumping, and glances to her with a dry exasperation. ]
For what it's worth, you're the much better instructor.
no subject
[ She weaves a small stalk of blooms into a circlet; groups of three red dots of red against a pale green twine, with a large white bloom between the knots.
Her hands are raw from hours of weaving. ]
You said yes to him, I take it?
no subject
[ that's what dagger had said was his time in his contract so far, wasn't it? the conversation had been... odd. jack's watching her hands more than he is her face, and noting the rawness on her fingers. weird, to think that someone weaving flowers is the same person who'd apparently done something so horrible to simon wilson that not even dagger wants to hear about it.
of all of them, though, he still trusts gliese more. ]
I did. [ a pause, and he breathes for a moment ] I don't think I can do what Blue team is going to need me to do.
[ he can, but he doesn't think he can stay sane after. ]
no subject
[ She's been knitting on and off, sleeping on and off as well. Khilesa have days much longer than what Ajna has; longer days, longer nights, longer sleep. They have two stages of sleep as well - shallow sleep, where the light of her body is asleep but her mind is not, the deep sleep, where both are at rest. The strange thing about shallow sleep is that it leaves her body restless.
Knitting helps. ]
I doubt you could, as well. It is good that you chose him over me.
Do you like flowers?
no subject
As for if he was capable or not, well, it stings in him the same way it did when Dagger told him. Regardless if what it is, it's that knowledge that he's fallen short. Didn't meet expectations. Disappointed. Couldn't handle it. The frustration's riding in him again, and jack gives a snort, glancing down to the leaf covered floor. ]
A little pointless, to say I'll murder 15 people but won't blow up a planet or a ship. Or torture. Sort of a joke, if you're looking at it as trying to hold to ethics. [ It's not as if it'd be gaining him any power - he doubts he'll ever hold anything real if Dagger's been here so long and amounts to a team leader for novices. He knows he can push himself to do it, the issue is if he should, and that's more the hilarious part. There's nothing morally righteous in it. Just trading one evil for another, and he's not so good a man to refuse it entirely. ] Should I just do it? Force it and adapt?
[ could. Maybe. Though it never really worked that completely at home, in all he destroyed in the name of building something's better. He never slept well after. Jack's giving an owlish blink when Gliese brings up flowers, and his eyes drag back to the weaving in her hands, before skimming over the rover again. It's... Peaceful. ]
I used to. When I was younger. [ Now he doesn't see beauty or nature, he sees function. A decoration to please a dignitary, a gift to win favor, a tool to lighten a mood. His mother was always tucking flowers around the palace, especially when they were expecting powerful guests. But Jack knew, Rose hated flowers. She'd rather wield a knife. ]
no subject
[ It's not really about what Jack can do, but will. And will is something they test to its limits here. Already there are those among the recruits who complain about the alleged evils they are forced to commit - on a planet where the smartest creature they've had to face are little more than flying bugs. ]
I have some doubts you would kill someone you know, with your own hands. Is she worth it to you?
no subject
I'm about to kill three people I know. Bond I drank with, Stephanie Brown was my old rover mate. Wilder... I really don't mind killing. [ Seriously, he's an obnoxious douche. But if Natasha had stated on the list, or if Tony, Korra, or hell, Hanna were put on? No. He couldn't choose between them. As for Clary... ] She reminds me of my sister in some ways. Not all, or I probably wouldn't like her as much.
[ because Michelle would hardly know what bdsm was, let alone explain the stop light system to him on their first meeting. But Michelle... is someone different. She's been there his whole life, inspired him, stood by him, comforted him and held him accountable when he needed it most. ] If it was Michelle, I'd do them without question. But she'd despise me for it after.
[ that's the truth of it. Jack has very few people still precious to him, and it amounts up to Michelle and possibly David alone. All the rest he'd lost or kept his distance from purposefully. He'd already lost the one person he'd actually been able to love to his own inability to grow a pair and do what he should. He wouldn't lose another like that. Raising his head, he looks to Gliese sidelong, considering. ] Why do you do it?
[ protecting someone or something? A war, like dagger? Or does the cdc actually have a decent cause outside of mining species and resources? ]